Why Wise Counsel Matters for Big Goals
Sometimes another set of eyes helps us see what repeated effort hasn't solved. Seek wise counsel, test it carefully, and let good advice lead to faithful action.
#86 — Seeking Wise Counsel
Jan 27, 2020
Play the original Excel Still More episode here without leaving the article.
Why capable people sometimes need to ask for help
Taking responsibility is good, but refusing every outside perspective isn't strength. We can work hard and still keep overlooking the same thing. Those are admirable traits. But strength can become a weakness when independence turns into an unwillingness to listen. A person can be determined to grow and still remain stuck because every important decision is being considered from one limited perspective.
Think about a goal where you've repeatedly met the same obstacle. More effort may not help until you understand why the approach keeps failing. Perhaps you want a healthier marriage, better financial habits, stronger relationships, or greater consistency in spiritual discipline. You may need another set of eyes.
Asking for counsel doesn't surrender your responsibility. It admits that somebody else may know something you haven't yet learned. A friend who has walked through a similar challenge, a mature Christian who understands Scripture, or someone with appropriate expertise may recognize something you have overlooked. Their insight can save you from avoidable mistakes and help you act more wisely with the opportunities God gives.
Wisdom begins with humility
James 1:5 invites us to ask God for wisdom in trials. We need understanding for faithful conduct, not simply a way to make every difficulty disappear. When life becomes difficult, wisdom isn't merely the ability to escape trouble. It is the ability to respond faithfully within it. Prayer is therefore the first expression of dependence. We acknowledge that our perspective is limited and that God knows what we don't.
Bring that prayer beside the instruction God has revealed. Another person's advice can help us understand Scripture but can't replace its authority. Counsel from other people must never replace the authority of God's Word. But mature Christians can help us see how biblical principles speak to circumstances we are struggling to understand.
Proverbs 12:15 warns about being right in our own eyes. A teachable person can receive correction without treating it as a declaration of worthlessness. The danger isn't only being uninformed. It is being so confident in our first conclusion that no new information can reach us. Humility opens the door to learning because it allows us to be corrected without treating correction as humiliation.
Choosing someone worth listening to
Confidence isn't the same as wisdom. Look for someone who will learn the situation before delivering the familiar answer. Some advisers see every problem through the lens of their own experience and offer the same solution regardless of the circumstances. You want someone who has both sound principles and the patience to learn what makes your situation unique.
The person's character matters alongside the recommendation. Honesty, discretion, and humility make sensitive conversations safer and more useful. A friend who constantly spreads private information is probably not the right person for a sensitive conversation. Someone who enjoys making others dependent on their approval may provide control rather than counsel. A counselor should aim to strengthen your judgment, not substitute their authority for every decision you make.
Look also for knowledge that actually fits the question. Success in one part of life doesn't make somebody competent to advise on everything. Someone who has managed money responsibly may help you think through spending and savings. A Christian who has endured a difficult season faithfully may encourage you in yours. For specialized medical, legal, or financial questions, professional competence matters alongside character. Good intentions alone don't provide expertise.
Good counsel begins with good listening
Tell the truth fully enough for informed advice. Leaving out your own conduct can produce a reassuring answer to a situation that never existed. If you describe only the other person's faults in a relational dispute, you may receive advice based on a misleading account. If you hide your spending habits while asking for financial guidance, you prevent someone from seeing the source of the problem.
Questions before recommendations are often a good sign. A careful adviser wants to understand the facts, duties, and options. They may want to know what you have already tried, which responsibilities you can't set aside, what outcome you hope to accomplish, and which biblical principles are relevant. Such questions can feel slower than immediate advice, but they protect both people from careless conclusions.
Explain what kind of help you're seeking. Sometimes you need a hearing before suggestions; sometimes you're ready for a direct challenge. Explain this openly. Honest communication helps a conversation become useful rather than frustrating.
Ask without handing over responsibility
Receiving counsel doesn't ask you to stop thinking. The adviser can clarify a choice while responsibility for making it stays with you. A person who simply asks others to make every difficult decision can become dependent rather than discerning.
Test the recommendation by Scripture, the facts, and your actual duties. Respect for a person doesn't make every suggestion sound. Does it account for the actual facts? Is it consistent with your obligations to God and other people? What consequences are likely? Is the adviser speaking from knowledge or speculation? These questions aren't signs of disrespect. They are part of receiving counsel responsibly.
Trustworthy people may differ in their advice. Learn what assumptions led them there instead of demanding a guarantee from either one. It may reveal that more than one faithful course is available or that important facts remain uncertain. Ask what assumptions led each person to the recommendation. Wisdom involves judgment in the presence of limitations.
Seek help before the situation becomes desperate
Don't make desperation the price of asking for help. A concern may be easier to address before years of avoidance surround it. A person may postpone asking for financial help until the bills are overwhelming. Someone may keep a discouraging spiritual battle entirely private because admitting difficulty feels like admitting defeat.
An early conversation can reveal options you wouldn't otherwise notice. You can request another perspective without pretending the situation is a crisis. A brief discussion at the beginning of a problem may prevent months of avoidable frustration. The willingness to seek help is itself a practical expression of humility.
When specialized care or protection is needed, don't let informal counsel delay it. Friendship can support appropriate assistance rather than substitute for it. Trusted relationships can support wise action, but they shouldn't become a substitute for the expertise or protection a situation demands.
Use counsel to make real progress
After receiving sound advice, name the action it calls for. A useful conversation deserves somewhere to go. Perhaps you need to apologize, revise a budget, change a habit, set a boundary, or establish a regular time for Scripture and prayer. Write down what you intend to do and when you intend to begin.
If follow-up would help, ask for it plainly. Accountability should support a responsibility you've accepted, rather than create pressure to perform for the helper. Accountability should be grounded in respect, not pressure or surveillance. A friend who asks, “How is that going?” may provide the encouragement needed to persevere.
Report honestly when you didn't follow through or the plan didn't fit. That information can make the next conversation more useful. If the recommendation proved unsuitable, explain why. A second conversation may produce a better approach. Growth rarely follows a perfectly straight line, and wise counsel can remain valuable as circumstances change.
The wisdom to say, 'I need help'
Maturity includes recognizing the limits of our own understanding. Seeking truth and receiving correction can honor God better than pretending we need neither.
Name the present obstacle and consider who is equipped to help. Pray, request the conversation, and prepare to listen. Then identify someone whose character, knowledge, and concern make that person a suitable conversation partner. You don't need to manufacture a crisis or wait until every approach fails.
A counselor can't live your life for you. Good counsel helps you see the faithful next choice more clearly and take it responsibly. Strength and humility belong together. The person who seeks wisdom isn't giving up the goal; that person is learning how to pursue it well.
Take the idea with you.
- 01Where have I been repeating an unsuccessful approach without asking for help?
- 02Who has the wisdom and character to provide an informed perspective?
- 03What concrete step will I take after receiving trustworthy counsel?
Prefer listening?
The original episode player is available near the top of this article, so you can listen without leaving the page.
