Count Your Pronouns to Become a Better Listener
A conversation can reveal how much of your attention is turned inward. One simple test is to notice how often the words are I, me, and my.
Imagine every conversation were recorded and someone counted your pronouns. How many times would the words be I, me, and my? How many questions would be about you?
The exercise is not grammar trivia. It is a way to expose where attention naturally goes.
Self-centeredness can hide inside ordinary conversation
In Luke 12, a man interrupts Jesus with a family inheritance dispute. The interruption shows how easily a person can hear profound truth while remaining consumed with his own issue.
We can do something similar socially: wait for the other person to stop talking so we can return to ourselves.
Ask the follow-up question
When someone tells you something, resist the immediate urge to reply with your version of the same story.
Ask one more question about them. What happened next? How did that feel? What are you going to do? That extra question communicates unusual attention.
Watch conversations as a learner
Observe how people interact. Often one person is telling a story while the other is preparing a competing story. Neither is really receiving the other.
Decide for a while to become the least important person in the room. Listen as if the other person’s experience deserves space.
Philippians 2 gives the larger principle
The episode connects this exercise with the selfless posture of Philippians 2. The goal is not never to talk about yourself. Healthy relationships are reciprocal.
The goal is to become capable of putting another person first long enough to truly know them.
Track your pronouns, then ask one more question about the other person.
Take the idea with you.
- 01Do my conversations regularly return to me too quickly?
- 02What follow-up question could I ask instead of telling my own story?
- 03Who in my life needs more of my attention than my advice?
Listen to the original episode
This article was adapted from Episode 15 · Count Your Pronouns. Continue with the podcast for the original teaching in Kris’s voice.
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