Jesus, Others, Yourself: A Better Way to Live

The burden of making everything about me

When I make everything about myself, it does not always sound like bragging. Sometimes I am putting myself down. Sometimes I am comparing my life to somebody else's or wondering what everyone thinks of me. Either way, I can spend a whole day with myself at the center. A friend starts telling a story, and I am already thinking of my own story to tell next. I may be listening just enough to know when it is my turn to talk.

Philippians 2:3–5 gives us a better place to put our attention. Paul calls us to lay aside selfish ambition, consider others, and care about their interests. Then he points us to Jesus. Think about the way Jesus used His greatness. He humbled Himself and served. My needs still matter, but they do not have to set the agenda for every conversation. Before I ask what someone can do for me, I can ask what that person needs and how I might help.

When other people become the villains

I can spend a lot of time talking about other people and still be thinking mostly about myself. Listen to the stories I tell. Is the other person always unreasonable? Am I always the one who tried, cared, or understood? There may be a real wrong to address, but I need to tell the truth about my own part too. When I leave that part out, I make it harder for a wise friend to help me see what needs to change.

In Luke 18:9–14, the Pharisee measures himself against other people while the tax collector asks God for mercy. Which spirit am I bringing into my relationships? I can recognize someone's sin without using it to feel better about myself. Ephesians 4:29 calls me to speak in a way that meets a need and gives help. Before passing along a story, I can ask whether it is needed, whether I have told it fairly, and whether I am hoping to help anybody.

Learn from yesterday and move forward

Some of yesterday's hurts are serious. They may take time, wise counsel, an honest apology, or firm boundaries to address. Moving forward does not require us to pretend that someone is safe or that a wrong did not matter. But I also have to notice when I am going over an old conversation so often that I have stopped considering what could happen next. Remembering can teach me. Rehearsing the same grievance all day can keep me from doing anything useful with it.

Paul had things in his past that he could not undo. Yet in Philippians 3:12–14, he reaches toward the goal because Christ has taken hold of him. We need that hope too. Yesterday's success does not do today's work, and yesterday's failure does not make today's obedience pointless. Maybe I need to make an apology. Maybe I need to stop returning to an argument that has already been settled. The question is what Jesus would have me do with the day I have now.

Begin the day with Jesus

J.O.Y. is a simple way to remember an order: Jesus, others, yourself. Start with Jesus when you open your Bible. What do you see about His goodness, His authority, or His patience? Give that some thought before rushing to a list of things to do. Praise Him. Thank the Father for Him. When my attention begins with Jesus, I am reminded that my problems are part of a much bigger story and that I am following someone I can trust.

Then look at the people in the passage. How are they responding to Jesus? Some listen, some resist, and some need help believing. Ask what their responses teach you about your own. Finally, look at the people you will see today. Who needs encouragement? Who needs patience? Who needs to know Christ? You have a place in that work. As you bring yourself into the picture, let your first question be how you can join in what is good rather than how you can be noticed.

Be willing to receive help

Putting others first does not mean keeping every burden to yourself. If you need help, it is good to say so. Sometimes the most honest thing we can tell a trusted Christian is that we are struggling and do not know what to do next. The body of Christ includes people giving care and receiving it. I should be willing to do both. Always insisting that I am fine can keep another person from offering the very help I have been praying to receive.

Be clear about what would help. Ask someone to pray with you, listen for a while, or give you wise counsel. Receive practical help when you need it. Then look for what you can offer, even in a hard season. You may have energy for only a short message or a thoughtful question, but that can still matter. Fellowship grows when we can admit our needs and make room for someone else's. We are learning to depend on Christ together.

Start, stop, and continue with hope

Lamentations 3:22–24 speaks of God's mercy in a time of deep sorrow. The writer's hope is in the Lord's faithfulness even while life hurts. That gives us a place to begin today. We can bring yesterday's guilt before God and seek forgiveness. We can name a real injury without deciding that bitterness must govern our future. There is something to learn from what happened, and there is still a day in front of us in which to follow the Lord.

Try this before your next difficult conversation. Write down what you believe the other person did wrong, then write down what you could do better. Pray about both, but prepare to speak first about the responsibility you can actually take. Perhaps you interrupted, assumed a motive, or kept repeating an old accusation. Own that clearly without attaching a demand for an immediate apology in return. It may not settle the whole disagreement. It can make your part of the conversation more honest and give the relationship a better opportunity to move forward.

So try the J.O.Y. order in one real situation this week. Begin by asking what Jesus would have you do. Look for the person you can love or serve. Then take responsibility for your part. I need that reminder as much as anyone. Start one helpful thing, stop one habit that keeps the trouble going, and continue what is already bearing good fruit. We cannot control every response around us, but we can let Christ shape the way we respond.