Try Three Times Before You Decide to Quit
An awkward first try can teach you something useful. Learn from it, change the approach, and give a worthwhile practice a fair chance before deciding to stop.
#23 — Try Three Times
Apr 8, 2019
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Do not let your first attempt make the decision
Something new often feels different from the version we imagined. We may mistake that first discomfort for a final answer about our ability. Then we discover that the experience doesn't match the version we imagined. It is awkward, tiring, and perhaps even embarrassing. That is the moment when many good ideas quietly disappear.
A line of fiction can make trying sound worthless. Real learning needs a more patient view of beginners and the awkwardness they haven't yet learned to handle. It makes for dramatic dialogue, but it is poor advice about learning. Every competent person was once inexperienced. A child learning to walk, a new teacher preparing a class, or a Christian beginning a habit of prayer has to begin somewhere. If being awkward at the beginning were sufficient reason to quit, few valuable practices would survive.
Ask what the first experience actually revealed. An unrealistic time or need for assistance may be correctable without abandoning the whole purpose. Did you learn that the schedule was unrealistic, that you needed help, or that your expectations were too high? Did the activity itself prove unhelpful, or was it simply unfamiliar? The distinction is important because the same disappointment can either teach you something valuable or persuade you to stop before you have learned anything.
Your first try gives you information
Imagine planning a morning study and discovering you never chose where to begin. That failure gives you information about preparation, rather than proof you'll never learn. It is easy to conclude that you are simply not a disciplined person. But the experience actually provides useful information. Your morning routine needs preparation, and your reading plan needs to be specific.
Or consider hospitality that left you exhausted before the guests arrived. A simpler meal may be the needed correction, rather than a decision that welcoming people was a mistake. You spend the afternoon cleaning rooms no guest will see. By the time everyone arrives, you are exhausted. Was hospitality a mistake? Perhaps you learned only that a simpler meal and less elaborate preparation would make the next gathering far more meaningful.
The attempt puts imagination into contact with real life. What you've learned about the actual obstacles can make the next plan more responsible. That knowledge may be uncomfortable, but it is an advantage. A disappointing first experience can still be a successful first lesson.
Make the second attempt different
Don't repeat every frustrating detail and call that perseverance. Use the second attempt to act on something the first one taught you. Move the Bible reading to a quieter time. Shorten the exercise routine. Simplify the meal. Prepare the difficult conversation by thinking about what you actually need to say and what you need to hear.
Thoughtful adjustment belongs beside serious effort. Paul's call for diligent handling of truth reminds us that preparation and accuracy matter more than confidence alone. Second Timothy 2:15 calls for diligence in handling the word of truth accurately. Paul is speaking about a worker who needs to be faithful and careful, not a worker who assumes that effort alone makes every method sound. Our learning ought to be marked by that same willingness to prepare wisely.
An informed second try helps distinguish unfamiliarity from impossibility. Choose one improvement instead of making the first frustration a permanent verdict. You know where your thoughts wandered, where your planning failed, or where your confidence disappeared.
Why a third attempt can matter
Three attempts aren't an inspired rule or a guarantee. A wrong or dangerous course may need to stop immediately, while a good practice may deserve more than one awkward try. The rule is practical: a first try introduces you to the activity, a second allows you to adjust, and a third gives you a fairer basis for deciding whether to continue.
Take leading a Bible discussion as an example. A first effort may be dominated by nerves before you learn to attend more naturally to the hearers. The second time, you prepare better questions and understand the flow of the discussion. By the third time, you may finally notice that the work isn't simply about your performance. It is about helping others think seriously about Scripture.
Another attempt can give you a fairer view of the work. The aim is informed judgment, not forced persistence in every activity you've ever begun. The goal isn't to force yourself to persist in every project; it is to give genuinely worthwhile practices a fair hearing.
Christian growth assumes continued effort
Paul's pressing forward in Philippians 3 concerns knowing Christ and resurrection hope. Don't turn it into a formula for mastering every personal interest. Still, his forward-looking posture reminds us that faithful discipleship isn't built around the assumption that everything important should become easy immediately.
Hebrews 12:1–2 directs endurance toward Jesus. The life of faith can't be judged solely by the discomfort of its first demanding moments. Its purpose is larger than one demanding moment. Ordinary disciplines such as prayer, reading, confession, encouragement, and service become meaningful as they shape a life of continued faithfulness.
Keep effort under grace rather than treating it as self-sufficiency. Titus 2:11–12 describes grace teaching a life that responds to God's instruction. Grace doesn't remove our responsibility to respond obediently; it gives us a reason to learn and grow. We keep trying not to earn God's attention with impressive performance but because His instruction is worthy of a serious response.
Start smaller so you can continue
Some first plans assume a day nobody actually has. Too many chapters, too much preparation, or an unsustainable routine can make a worthy idea needlessly hard to continue. A person who rarely reads Scripture commits to several chapters and extensive notes every morning. A family decides that meaningful hospitality requires a complicated meal and a spotless house. These plans can turn a good idea into an exhausting production.
Begin with a form small enough to repeat responsibly. A clear passage or simple invitation can serve better than an impressive production. Walk for a realistic amount of time. Invite a friend for a simple meal. Begin a conversation with one thoughtful question. The smaller version isn't necessarily less faithful. It may create the consistency the larger plan never allowed.
Then learn from the result. Improve one part rather than rebuilding everything before each new attempt. If it doesn't, identify the obstacle. Don't change everything at once. Make one practical adjustment for the second attempt and carry that lesson into the third. The habit begins to become yours when you can return to it without needing a perfect set of circumstances.
Give good beginnings time to grow
Beginners need humility because competence hasn't arrived yet. Discomfort can be an honest part of learning rather than proof you shouldn't be there. Being new at something exposes the distance between our intentions and our ability. Yet that discomfort can be an honest part of learning rather than evidence of failure. We shouldn't demand that the beginning feel like the finished product.
Some pursuits still need to end as duties and circumstances change. Make that decision thoughtfully instead of allowing a bruised first impression to decide it alone.
Choose a worthwhile practice you've abandoned too quickly. Give it an honest attempt, a learned adjustment, and a fair opportunity to show what continued growth could mean. Give the third attempt a chance to show what improvement feels like. Then decide what comes next. Don't let one difficult beginning write the ending of a story that might become deeply worthwhile.
Take the idea with you.
- 01What worthwhile practice did I abandon because the beginning felt awkward?
- 02What one thing would I change on a second attempt?
- 03What good habit deserves three honest tries before I decide whether to continue?
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