Those Impressive People: Let Admiration Become an Opportunity to Learn
Someone near you may already be practicing a strength you need. Set comparison aside, ask good questions, and let admiration lead to faithful learning.
#341 — Those Impressive People
Sep 23, 2024
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Notice the example nearby
We spend a lot of effort helping people who don't want advice. Sometimes we also need to look toward people whose faithful example could help us. Somewhere nearby may be a person who has developed the patience, generosity, faith, or family devotion we would like to cultivate. Their example offers an opportunity to receive help rather than always attempting to give it.
My friendship with Jim Spratlin left me wishing we'd spent even more time together. I valued his conversation about Jesus, his affection for his wife, and the respect his family had for him. His life made me ask why we wait to learn from people whose faithfulness is already visible.
Choose character over achievement
The person worth learning from may be someone you already know. Fame, wealth, and talent don't tell us how someone treats a spouse or receives a needed correction. A useful example must be evaluated by more than the polished result that first attracted us.
In 1 Corinthians 11:1, Paul invites imitation as he imitates Christ. That's the measure that keeps a useful example from becoming a substitute for the Lord. Look for faithfulness that points beyond the individual to Jesus. Someone may offer excellent practical advice in one area while needing growth in another. Learning with discernment protects us from turning a helpful mentor into an authority that replaces Scripture. Look especially at how the person handles an ordinary inconvenience. Do they remain truthful when a mistake would be easy to hide? Can they take correction without turning the conversation against the one offering it? Quiet character like that may make their advice more valuable than an achievement that first caught your attention.
Turn envy toward learning
Admiration can turn into comparison before we notice. Someone our age does something well, and we start explaining why it must have been easier for them. Circumstances genuinely differ, and those differences deserve honesty. Yet speculation about another person's advantages can also become an excuse for refusing to learn anything from them.
Romans 12:15 calls us to rejoice with those who rejoice. Another person's faithful growth hasn't taken anything away from our own opportunity to obey. If someone serves generously, handles conflict patiently, or teaches thoughtfully, their faithfulness can encourage the whole body. Instead of treating their strength as a threat, ask what they have learned and whether their experience might help you take a responsible next step. This is especially important when you have experienced disappointments they have not. Your hardship need not be denied for their example to be useful. You can acknowledge unequal circumstances and still receive a lesson about a choice within your reach. Learning isn't an admission that your entire life should have produced the same results.
Listen to older Christians
Jim was several decades older than me, and I found it easier to learn without feeling competitive. His experience gave our conversations a perspective I appreciated. We talked about devotion to Christ, family life, and enduring difficulty. I admired the affection between Jim and Phyllis and the regard their children expressed for him.
Titus 2:2–5 describes the influence older Christians can have through faithful character and teaching. Years alone don't make wisdom, but years of obedient practice can give us much to learn. Ask an older Christian how they handled a particular responsibility, what mistakes taught them, and what they would now do differently. The opportunity may be closer and more accessible than a celebrated expert. Such conversations also honor the person rather than merely extract useful information. Ask about their life, listen to what matters to them, and express genuine gratitude. Older believers aren't libraries to consult only when we need a quick answer. Friendship allows encouragement to move in both directions and gives their experience a place in the life of the church.
Learn from people your age
Look also at the ordinary strengths around you. Someone stays patient in conflict, shows up to help people move, or gives time generously without drawing attention. Their practices may reveal a possibility we had considered beyond our reach.
First Timothy 4:12 says a young believer can set a faithful example. Don't let someone's age become a reason to dismiss what their conduct could teach you. Spend appropriate time serving beside them or discussing a shared responsibility. Similar responsibilities can give you a useful place to begin, but don't let that limit whom you're willing to learn from.
Ask what gives the practice purpose
Ask what the person cares about beneath the routine. A strong marriage needs more than a clever calendar, and generous service needs more than a system. A teacher's preparation grows from caring about Scripture and the people who need to understand it. Procedures are useful, but their purpose matters.
Why does this responsibility matter so much to them? Understanding the conviction may help you see more than the technique you first noticed. What do they believe is worth protecting? Your aim isn't to borrow their personality or pretend to feel exactly what they feel. It's to understand the good they are pursuing and allow the truth behind their example to challenge priorities that have become too small. A good question might be, What do you do when keeping this commitment becomes inconvenient? That invites the person to explain the struggle behind the strength. You may hear about preparation, help they received, or a mistake that changed their judgment. Learning those details can make faithful growth seem more practical than simply admiring the result from a distance.
Look at the repeated choices
Repeated choices often sit behind the strength we admire. A dependable person follows through when helping isn't exciting or convenient. A caring spouse makes room for attention, a thoughtful teacher prepares, and a dependable helper follows through. Drawing nearer may reveal fewer shortcuts and more consistent decisions than you expected to find.
Proverbs 13:20 commends walking with the wise. Time beside a faithful person can show us how an intention becomes a pattern. Morning routines or doing difficult work early may help some people, but no particular schedule is a universal spiritual requirement. Work shifts, illness, caregiving, and family needs vary. Learn the principle of giving faithful attention to an important duty, then choose a realistic practice that fits your actual responsibilities.
Make one conversation useful
Choose someone whose character you have had reason to trust. Ask for a conversation about a responsibility you share or a strength you hope to develop. A specific question is often more fruitful than a sweeping request to become just like them: how do you prepare for a difficult conversation, keep your promises, or make room to serve? Respect their time and freedom to decline. Be clear that you're asking to learn, rather than expecting them to manage the responsibility for you. Listen without immediately explaining why every suggestion couldn't work. Later, consider which principle fits your circumstances and which detail needs adapting. Respectful learning leaves both people free: one to share honestly and the other to take responsibility for a thoughtful response.
Then do something with what you have learned. Compare the advice with Scripture and try a suitable change you can honestly review. Philippians 3:17 encourages believers to observe those who walk according to the apostolic example. Admiration reaches its proper purpose when it helps us follow Christ more faithfully. The person who impresses you may be a valuable companion in that growth, if you're willing to stop competing and start listening. Keep the change small enough to review honestly. After a week, ask what helped, what proved unrealistic, and whether another question would clarify the practice. Don't measure your progress by immediately matching another person's mature strength. A faithful beginning can be valuable even when much growth remains ahead.
Take the idea with you.
- 01Whose faithful example could help me with a responsibility I carry?
- 02What question would turn my admiration into an opportunity to learn?
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